Sarah Edmonson and her husband, Anthony “Nippy” Ames, worked at NXIVM, a dangerous cult that called itself a personal and professional development company. Edmonson was a good student and soon opened her own NXIVM center in Vancouver, Canada. Ames gave talks and presentations and led classes while working his way up through the NXIVM system. However, after twelve years, they realized NXIVM was not what it said it was, and they call a “gtfo” or “get the f’ out,” situation. Sarah and Nippy’s experience in NXIVM is covered in Edmonson’s memoir, Scarred: The True Story of How I Escaped NXIVM, the Cult that Bound My Life (2019).
Once free, Edmonson and Ames helped expose Keith Raniere, the cult leader, for his crimes. In 2019, the court convicted Raniere of multiple charges, including sexual abuse, sex trafficking, forced labor, and racketeering. In 2020, he began his 120-year sentence in federal prison.
In 2021, Edmonson and Ames started their podcast, A Little Bit Culty. They wanted to learn more about cults, so they invited Steven Hassan to their first podcast. He is a leading cult expert who developed the BITE model to resist and recover from destructive cults. BITE stands for Behavior, Information, Thought, and Emotional control. They said Dr. Hassan “taught us how cults use deceptive tactics to recruit and keep members, manipulating them to stay loyal, obedient, and dependent” (p. 24).
Their book is also named A Little Bit Culty (2026). In Part I, Edmonson and Ames explain what a cult is and how cultic behavior can happen anywhere. On their list: “political cults, dance cults, yoga cults, religious cults, and commercial cults” (p. 54). They also discuss the danger of Internet cults, which can lead to the same damage as any dangerous cult.
In Part II, they explain “The Playbook of Control,” the basic strategies in most cults (p. 65). One factor is the hook, the words that convince someone to join the group. A skilled cult recruiter can guarantee personal growth, inner peace, and/or a connection with God. The recruiter will promise the group has everything the potential recruit is looking for.
Once in the cult, new members are love-bombed, a tactic in which other cult members flatter them. However, this doesn’t last long. As soon as the new member is converted, the love bombing ends. After that introductory period, the cult leaders use their followers like disposable pawns.
Cults have many ways to take control over their followers, including peer pressure and conformity. One cult strategy is to twist the meaning of ordinary words. Early cult researcher Robert J. Lifton called this “Loading the Language.” He defined it as:
The group interprets or uses words and phrases in new ways so that often the outside world does not understand. This jargon consists of thought-terminating clichés, which serve to alter members’ thought processes to conform to the group’s way of thinking.1
The book includes a discussion of NXIVM’s loaded words. The most disturbing words I found were the humiliating labels they apply to members who are not fully under control. If the hierarchy judges a member to be “inconsistent with reality,” it labels the member as undergoing “disintegration” (p. 278). Another loaded word was “feedback.” It was rarely helpful and usually judgmental and cruel. “Suffering” was another humiliating label. If followers were not happy all the time, leadership would blame the followers for failing to take control of their minds. If they would just do that, they would always be happy.
All cults have their own loaded language. When I was in the International Society for Krishna Consciousness (ISKCON), they had words to make us feel broken and isolated, especially women. If a woman felt angry, officials would tell her to control her mind. If new devotees were feminists and still believed they were equal to men, one of the officials would tell them they have a spiritual disease.
Besides shooting loaded words, cults are known for gaslighting. The authors call it “a malevolent mind game designed to make you doubt your own sanity” (p. 96). For example, if the cult leader promises to meet with a follower but never does, they may simply lie and deny ever planning a meeting. The authors write, “Over time, this constant undermining of your reality can make you question your own memory, judgment, and even your sanity” (p. 104).
Lies can lead to cognitive dissonance. The authors explain that as “the mental discomfort we feel when we hold two opposing ideas or beliefs at the same time” (p. 158). When people experience this confusion, it’s difficult to believe the truth because they believe their cult leader is perfect and beyond criticism.
Part III explains why leaving a cult is healthy. They also explain why people want to stay in their cult. They have friends there, and don’t know what they would do without the cult. However, after some time, people may find they can’t take it anymore and decide to leave. This section offers helpful information for people who are ready to leave. Edmonson and Ames recommend having a plan: finding a place to live, finding out whether old friends or family members might help you get out of the cult, etc. Some people come to their senses and simply walk away. Others may face danger from the cult if they try to leave. Part III also includes a chapter on how to help someone you love who is in a cult. They explain, “You can’t just tell them they’re in a cult and expect them to see it—that usually drives them deeper in” (p. 186).
Part IV, “The Aftermath,” discusses how to rebuild your life after leaving a cult. The authors write, “After years of focusing on red flags, we knew we needed to learn what safety looked like.” They refer to safety as green flags or green lights, and say looking for green flags helps you find places where “space supports you rather than controls you” (p. 230). At the end of the chapter, they have a list of possible green lights. Green lights mean you find communities where you can come and go as you decide. You can have friends you enjoy. You can talk about personal things if you want, but you don’t have to expose your private issues because the leader says you have to talk about it. If you ask questions, that’s normal; in a cult, your curiosity could be held against you. Most importantly, green lights offer personal autonomy. The authors put it like this: “No one else is in charge of your decisions, and there’s zero pressure to conform” (p. 234).
Also in Part IV, they discuss whether and how to expose a cult’s crimes. Edmonson and Ames explain how they helped take down NXIVM and also point out a few things they would have done differently. This is an essential read for any ex-members who want to expose the crimes that took place in their cult.
The appendix offers advice on how to write a memoir and how to deal with the media. There’s also a list of resources, including books, documentaries, investigative journalism, organizations, and podcasts. Edmonson and Ames pour their hearts out in this book, including their empathy for people who were hurt by cults or raised in them. It’s a good read because it’s a universal type of empathy we need to discover. As a former cult member, I found A Little Bit Culty soothing and optimistic. It helped me revise my memories of how I left, and how glad I am that I did.
Toward the end of the book, Edmonson and Ames write, “Our hope is that our wisdom will be obsolete or self-evident to future generations” (p. 242). I also look forward to a time when everyone can recognize cultic behavior and learn how to avoid being drawn in.
