This is a fascinating and healing memoir. The author, Emma Wise, was born into a family dedicated to fundamentalist Christian churches. Although her parents required her to participate, fundamentalism wasn’t a great fit for Emma. She felt unwelcomed, because the church people were mean to her. She also recounts how the church leaders shamed women’s bodies.
At home, Emma’s parents were volatile and abusive. Her parents expected her to eat whatever they served. One night at the dinner table, she was eating too slowly, so her father carried her to her room and threw her onto the bed. She remembers,
The blows came hard and fast, my small body jerking with each hit, the mattress springs creaking beneath me. Afterward, the room felt too quiet. I stared at the wall, my skin burning, trying to understand what had just happened. I was told I deserved it for being a brat. So that is what I believed. (Ch. 1, p. 2-3)
As she was growing up, she went from one fundamentalist church to another. Without understanding why, she continued to face rejection at the churches. When she finally walked away from fundamentalist churches, she went to school to become a therapist. By learning psychology to help others, she also learned to help herself.
Emma’s story is a difficult one, beautifully told. Each chapter has a painting to illustrate young Emma’s emotions. The thread that ties the chapters together is the ongoing conversation between Emma and her younger self. When little Emma repeats her memories, therapist Emma responds with the loving words they both need to hear. She wrote:
These are the words I longed to hear in my childhood:
“I am so sorry no one consistently protected you. You deserved adults who held you and believed you.”
“Nothing about what happened was your fault. You were a child doing your best in an extremely hard situation.”
“Emma, there was never anything wrong with you. The wrong thing was what was done to you.”
“You were not dramatic; you were hurting and no one slowed down long enough to see it” (TOC, p. 3)
“You were not crazy or too sensitive; your reactions made sense with what was happening.” (Intro, p. 2)
The last part of the book is titled “Mindful Self-Compassion, the Companion Guide,” which offers ideas to help us feel better about ourselves. Emma explains how we can notice and feel our emotions and apply self-kindness and mindfulness when we feel angry at ourselves.
Learning to deal with traumatic memories is the issue. Why do so many of us continue to judge ourselves for our inconsequential mistakes? Why do we beat ourselves up out of shame? Pieces of the Mind is a handbook for adults who seek resonance and security in their thoughts. Emma recommends people approach bad memories with “kindness rather than judgment” (Appx. p. 2). Kindness is the key to making peace with ourselves.
Emma Wise compares Pieces of the Mind to a “personal liturgy” (Ch. 1, p. 9). I go further and say her memoir is a valuable tool to bring relief to people who find it difficult to live with themselves.
